Of Blocks, Brothers & Blue Bloods
by Mog Anarchy
Summary: [Oneshot] Mario robs Peach's wardrobe and the whole kingdom is taken over by a crazy narrator who controls the lightning!


**Of Blocks, Brothers, & Blue-Bloods**

**Mog Anarchy**

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"Wow look, it's a crazy yellow block, with a question mark on it! (?) One of them thingies there! Wooop…"

"Wow Mario, you gonna hit it?"

"Of course not Luigi, I might scrape my knuckles."

"Don't be such a pussy wuss."

"You startin' me buddy?"

"Of course I am. Brothers are meant to fight aren't they?"

"Yes, they are. And it's a well known fact, from the wonderful godly power of the Oxford dictionary that the older brother always wins!"

"Damn, I forgot that part."

Mario leapt on Luigi and began punching him in the face. Luigi kicked out furiously, waving his legs wildly, trying to hit his elder brother somewhere which would make him stop.

After they'd all calmed down, and Luigi was left lying on the ground, not bleeding profusely, just losing a great deal of his blood from various areas around his body.

"Wow, I is a gonna hit-a this here blocky!"

"You said you wouldn't!"

"Forget what I say. Who ever listens to an overweight plumber in unfashionable overalls anyway?"

"Actually Mario, quite a lot of people listen to Wario, after all, he is the boss of a highly successful company…"

"Screw him, that video game needs to be sent to the Charmin Ultra factory, marketed as the right thing."

"I don't think that Goombas would enjoy wiping their arse on a games cartridge… They have sharp edges. Especially the Game Boy ones."

"Goombas don't wipe their arses."

"They do so!"

"Do not!"

"Actually…" said a voice from behind them. "We Goombas just sneak up to laundry lines, and use freshly laundered blue overalls and red sweaters as toilet-roll." He smiled, his dagger-like teeth shining. "Betcha didn't know that, plumber boy!"

"Umm… Luigi?"

"Yeah bro?"

"Can I kill that Goomba?"

-SPLAT-

"Awww man! I got squished Goomba guts all over my new shoes!"

"You never cared about that before bro."

"Well I know, but last time I was just wearing those Trucks."

"Trucks?"

"Yeah, those shoes. They're named after a large transportation vehicle."

"…You mean Vans?"

"No, I mean Trucks."

"Fine… Fine… So you were saying?"

"I was saying, I didn't care about getting my Trucks dirty, but now I have these!"

Mario lifted his feet off Luigi's back and waved them in front of his face.

"Umm… Mario. Those are Peach's."

"No they're not!" Mario exclaimed, gazing down at his bright pink flowery Converse All-Stars. "I got them from a great shop down the road. They don't charge neither."

"You raided the wardrobe of the princess?"

"Aye." Mario grinned. "I got this too…" He began, unbuttoning his overalls, revealing a bright magenta thong.

"O M G."

"Luigi, we are not supposed to speak in chat-speak. Especially not on this website."

"What website?"

"Oh I forgot, the only websites you visit are porno ones."

"Yes well, porno is way more entertaining than a bunch of crappy stories written about us in a bad way by all those amateur authors."

"Hey, fan fiction is way hip and happening now you know!"

"No it's not."

"It is so."

"Is not!"

"Actually…" came the voice again. "Fan fiction is just as popular as it ever was. Actually, the content of this website increases by around 600 stories a day."

"Bull shit." Said Mario. "It's gotta be at least 1000!"

"What fucking website?" Luigi screamed.

"Wait a sec… Didn't I just kill that Goomba?" Mario said, sounding puzzled.

"WHAT WEBSITE!"

"…How did he come back to life…? It's not possible to come back to life after you die…"

"Yes it is."

"No, it's not."

"Actually…" the Goomba said, dancing in front of Mario in a tight blue bikini. "I have access to Cloud Strife's secret stash of Phoenix Down."

"Umm… Luigi?"

"Yeah bro?"

"Is that Goomba… Wearing girls' lingerie?"

"Mario, you needn't talk about cross-dressing."

"And neither should you - Mr-lets-dress-up-in-Princess-Peach's-spare-dress-in-Mario-and-Luigi-Superstar-Saga!"

"Boy I like that game…" Luigi sighed. "Hey… Mario, you're wearing Peach's thong!" Luigi yelled, reaching down Mario's trousers and snapping the string hard.

"Mario is WHAT!" squealed the familiar high-pitched voice of Peach.

"Oh boy! I gotta see this!" echoed the also familiar, low-pitched-like-a-man's voice of Daisy.

"Yo Mario, we're going to get arrested here!"

"What for?"

"You stole from Peach's wardrobe!"

"He what!" Yelled Peach.

"Luigi… You say one more thing out loud… And I shall tear off your long head, and kick it around the kingdom."

"I haven't got a long head!"

"You lanky git, you've got a long everything!"

Luigi smirked and raised his eyebrows.

"Except THAT."

"Awww man…"

"And how would you know, Mario?" Daisy asked, folding her arms. "Luigi's shorty is reserved for ME."

"Mario, give me my thong." Peach frowned.

"I didn't know you wore thongs Peach. I thought it was granny pants all the way for your delicate little royal buns." Luigi laughed.

"What do you mean, "granny pants"!" Peach growled.

"Yeah, I don't see why you'd like wearing this thing…" Mario mumbled, wriggling his ass around to remove the wedgie.

"Exactly, I don't." Peach said. "But you can give me it back."

"Like I said, it's old lady underwear; always for your posh little bottom."

Peach put her hands on her hips and breathed in heavily. "He only has about another three variations on that sentence to go…"

"Just like I said, OAP Undies for your special little cheeks."

"There's one…"

"Oh I can't be bothered listening to this anymore!" Mario exclaimed, hitting Luigi across the head with a rubber chicken.

"Where did you get that from?" Peach asked.

"From a Christmas cracker of course. You get everything in those things!"

"I always seem to get moustache combs…" Peach muttered.

"I think they're trying to tell you something Peach." Daisy grinned. "Maybe you need to start shaving somewhere other than your legs and armpits, huh?"

"Yo Daisy, take a look in the mirror. Talk about a bearded-lady!"

"Seriously…" said the Goomba, who'd been listening to this conversation. "Is this story, going ANYWHERE?"

"It's a one-shot isn't it?"

"No, this story represents a machine-gun, and therefore has several shots."

Everyone said nothing.

"God damn, will this story hire a decent narrator!"

_I'm sorry. I'm very tried. I'm very bored. I'm very Mog. Mog Anarchy that is. Daisy smells. _

"What… Was that?"

"Oh my GAWD, some guy just interrupted our story, and they write in… ITALICS!"

_I'm not a guy. I'm a girl. Daisy still smells._

"Not only are they writing in scary italics, they're ending each sentence with the same joke! I HATE IT WHEN NARRATORS DO THAT!" Mario yelled, kicking the floor hard.

"Mario, why are you wearing my Converse?"

"Because he raided your wardrobe…" Luigi sighed.

_Considering all the random-ness contained within this terrible one-shot and of course, the elements that make it up, I'm going to name it: "Of Blocks, Brothers, & Blue-Bloods."_

"What a crappy title!" Mario scoffed.

_Please, Mario… Do not interrupt the great Mog Anarchy. Daisy STILL smells._

"Fine!" Daisy screeched, releasing a tornado of aerosol spray into the air. "There, do I smell now?"

_-Cough- Daisy, you inconsiderate little whore. I have asthma you know! Right, I'm going to smite you._

**OMG LIEK LIGHTNING RAINZ DOWN N IT LEIK SMITEZ DAISY, N SHE'S ALL LEIK TINY BITZ OFF DUST.**

"Now look, we stop the italics, now we have some illiterate mongrel sending forth their wrath, in **BOLD CAPITALS**!"

"NOT THE **BOLD CAPITALS**!"

"Please, everyone… Stop saying **BOLD CAPITALS**."

"Hey Peach."

"Yes Luigi?"

"What's a bold capital?"

"I don't know."

"This: **LONDON. PARIS. WASHINGTON DC."**

"Luigi, please don't piss me off."

"Why not? Pissing you off is fun."

"Oh look, now all the fucking swearwords are being underlined."

"Just a while more. Then they'll run out of shitty jokes."

"You think?"

"YeS, I dO tHiNk."

"oH, gReAt. We'Re, TaLkInG iN aLtErNaTiNg "UbEr" StYlE."

_No, I can't be arsed writing like that for much longer, thank you very much. _

"Ha ha, your word got underlined too!"

**OMFG, LEIK MORE OF DA LIGHTNINGZ CUMS DOWN N SMITEZ MARIO! N HE'S ALL LEIK BURNT CRUMBZ.**

"I'm scared." Peach whispered to Luigi.

"Yup me too."

"This title has nothing to do with the storyline."

"Yup me too."

"Well… It kind of does… But it should be called… "Attack Of The Raging Font Types!"

"Yup me too."

"Luigi… Stop-"

**PEACH TURNZ TO LUIGI N HE'S ALL LEIK UBER HAKKED, N HE'S LEIK AN UBER-KEWL ROBOT, N HE'S LEIK BEEN PROGRAMMED 2 LEIK, ONLY SAY CERTAIN THINGZ.**

"I'm just a girl. Can I have one day where I don't get kidnapped, or locked within a fan fiction where all the font keeps changing, and we're being watched by some weirdo, who keeps smiting us all with lightning?"

_Noooo! Because you are merely a pixelled girl - living in a pixelled world! You are at the mercy of Nintendo Wavebirds, and crap fan fiction writers like myself, who shall control your every move!_

"My name is Peach, and I live in a box. It's a box that once held a widescreen dishwasher."

**And so. Peach had a seizure due to all the flashing lights in her new game "Peachymon Pinball: Jade and Amber." And they all lived happily ever after in their pixelled world, filled with **non-bold capital fonts.

"They never hit the block!" Goomba protested.

_It doesn't matter. It was only a packet of Oreos._

"YOU WHAT? NOW LOOK, IF THEY'D HIT IT, THIS STORY WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER! EVERYBODY LIKES OREOS!"

_Goomba, do not speak in capitals to me. _

_**The End!**_

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End file.
